Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
