you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
