and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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