the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
