So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
