i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
