I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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