Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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