worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so let's talk penis.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My penis needs a shock collar
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
