We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
