Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
