Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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