You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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