the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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