At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
