i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
