I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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