47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
