pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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