somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize