Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
