he puts the penis in happiness.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
