We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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