I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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