And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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