She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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