I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
its liver damage thursday
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
