So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
