Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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