She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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