He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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