I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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