Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
