Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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