Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
