and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
