I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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