Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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