I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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