They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
