Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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