I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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