It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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