Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
