just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
