its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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