Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
