He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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