He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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