1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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