i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Terrible idea I love it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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