The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
