I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
