Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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