I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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