gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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