i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i need some magic done to my vagina
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
