Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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