"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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