It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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