There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
